just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
