you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
