id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
