i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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