margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
