What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize