i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
