Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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