There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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