i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
