he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
