Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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