You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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