Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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