i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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