i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
