I think I am morally bankrupt
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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