i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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