i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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