Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
