Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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