Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
