So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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