if i can run in heels then i can drive
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
