Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
