I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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