Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize