It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
