how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
