i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We're too hungover to prance.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
