I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
