dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
