oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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