I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
