but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
