I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
