3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
