Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
