So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
