I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
