you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
