Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
