Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
