He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
