Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
