my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You should frame my arrest warrant.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
