I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pants are for mortals
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
