I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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