I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
