Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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