Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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