you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
