Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
