Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize