were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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