we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
