i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
