I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
